wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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