Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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