I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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