Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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