I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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