She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
