I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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