he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
