I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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