you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
