I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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