I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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