she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
