Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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