Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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