drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
