yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
