We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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