my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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