I accidentally had phone sex last night
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
