so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize