Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
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no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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