You're a womanizer and a bitch.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
