So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
