no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
