I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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