one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
