you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We left the knife in your bed.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
