This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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