Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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