In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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