so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
