After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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