I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
