I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
