butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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