Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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