i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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