Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
