He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
