So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
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I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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