i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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