dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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