Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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