Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
