Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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