I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
