captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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