Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ttyl tear gas
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
