OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
