1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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