Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
