Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
