so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
