You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize