doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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