from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
