you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
