Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
