I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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