Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
