Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
