you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
