Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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