We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
