If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
