babies were throwing up all over the place
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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