Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
