Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
