Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
