Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
