ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just blew my weed a kiss
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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