sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
