As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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