You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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