This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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