I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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