Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
