An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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