absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
